by Kerry Banta, LCPC
Clinical Director at the Eating Disorder Center of Montana
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably found yourself in a standoff with your child over eating at least once or twice. As a parent, I’ve been there too — pleading for “just one more bite” during a phase when dinner options narrowed to macaroni and cheese (and, oddly enough, cold lima beans). We got through it, but those nagging thoughts lingered: Is this normal? Am I handling this the right way? Should I be concerned?
Maybe you’ve noticed your child skipping breakfast lately, spending more time in front of the mirror, or turning down a trip to your family’s favorite ice cream shop. As a clinician and a parent, I understand how hard it can be to trust your instincts when something feels off. Eating habits can be especially confusing — kids go through phases, preferences change, and adolescence brings shifts in appetite, mood, and identity.
But here’s what I’ve learned from over a decade of working with children, adolescents, and families: eating disorders rarely start suddenly. More often, they develop gradually, with small, easy-to-miss changes that build over time.
If you’ve found yourself wondering whether something is “just a phase,” you’re already asking the right question.
What’s Normal — and What’s Not
Shifting preferences and appetites are a natural part of development. They’re often frustrating, but they typically reflect growing independence and self-awareness. The difference between healthy developmental changes and something more concerning comes down to three key factors: rigidity, emotional distress, and impact on functioning.
Questions to ask yourself
- Does this behavior seem emotionally driven or anxiety-based?
- Is it negatively impacting my child’s mood or ability to enjoy and engage in life?
- Is my child still able to show flexibility and spontaneity with eating?
- What impact is this having on my child’s relationships, academics, or activities?
When changes in eating behaviors are disrupting your child’s mood, daily functioning, and causing significant stress at home, it may be more than a passing phase.
In later childhood and early adolescence, eating disorders can develop as a child’s way of managing stress, chronic anxiety, or social pressures. These patterns build gradually, starting with subtle changes that worsen over time.
Many parents struggle with self-blame and embarrassment — but I want to be clear: parents are not the cause of eating disorders. Research consistently shows that eating disorders arise from a complex interplay of biological, sociocultural, and temperamental factors.
When and How to Take Action
If you’ve noticed some of the warning signs below, it may be time to seek support. Research confirms that early intervention leads to shorter courses of treatment and significantly improves the likelihood of a complete and lasting recovery.
It’s also important to know that not all eating disorders result in weight loss. Many people with eating disorders maintain their weight while suffering serious physical and emotional consequences. You can’t determine if someone has an eating disorder based on appearance alone.
Warning Signs to Watch For
- Picky eating that becomes more restrictive over time
- Avoidance of certain textures, colors, or entire food groups
- Rituals around food — cutting into tiny pieces, eating extremely slowly
- Anxiety or distress at mealtimes
- Early body concerns (“My stomach looks big”)
- Skipping meals or eating very small portions
- Increasingly rigid food rules (“I don’t eat carbs,” “I can’t eat after 6”)
- Secretive eating or signs of bingeing
- Frequent trips to the bathroom after meals
- Exercise that feels compulsive or driven, not joyful
- Intense fear of weight gain or preoccupation with body image
- Irritability, withdrawal, or low mood
- Family meals becoming a battleground of stress and conflict
- Feeling like you have to negotiate just to get your child to eat
Red Flags That Require Immediate Attention
- Rapid changes in weight
- Refusal to eat or extreme restriction
- Signs of bingeing, self-induced vomiting, or laxative misuse
- Medical instability: dizziness, fainting, failure to make expected growth gains
- Self-harm or suicidal thoughts
Our Approach at EDCMT
At the Eating Disorder Center of Montana, we provide specialized, family-centered treatment for children and adolescents ages 12 and up. Our approach is rooted in Family-Based Treatment (FBT), widely considered the gold standard of care for this age group.
We see parents as our most important allies. Our specialized treatment team works collaboratively with families — providing education, structure, and support — to empower parents to challenge the eating disorder while strengthening their relationship with their child. Over time, this approach supports both physical healing and a healthy return to age-appropriate independence.
A Hopeful Path Forward
Eating disorders can feel overwhelming, especially when they affect your child. It’s natural to hesitate — to worry you might be overreacting. But being proactive is one of the most important things you can do. You don’t need certainty to seek support. You just need concern.
Recovery is possible, and the path often begins with a parent noticing that something isn’t quite right. If this article has resonated with you, we hope it gives you the confidence to trust your instincts and reach out.
You don’t need to have all the answers. Recognizing that something has changed — and being willing to act on that awareness — can make all the difference.
